Give to Grow

At a bustling farmer's market, two vendors stand behind identical stacks of heirloom tomatoes. The first vendor, efficient and direct, has a sign listing prices by the pound. He weighs, bags, and takes payment in a swift, impersonal rhythm. Customers get what they came for, nothing more, nothing less. His day is a predictable tally of transactions. A few stalls down, the second vendor has no price sign. Instead, she offers a cut slice to a curious passerby, asking, 'What are you cooking tonight?' She talks about which tomatoes hold up best in a sauce versus which are sweetest for a salad. She gives a child a small, sun-warmed cherry tomato to taste. Her line is longer, the conversations are lively, and people leave not just with tomatoes, but with a new recipe idea and a feeling of connection. While the first vendor sells produce, the second builds a community around her craft, one small, generous act at a time.

This simple difference between a transactional exchange and a relational one is the puzzle Mo Bunnell has spent his career solving. As a consultant and coach to some of the world's most successful service professionals, he noticed a frustrating pattern: brilliant people were often terrible at building the business relationships they needed to thrive. They were taught to sell, to pitch, to close—to act like the first vendor. Bunnell, however, saw that the most effective and fulfilled professionals acted like the second. They focused on giving value first, on helping others solve problems, and on building genuine trust. He wrote Give to Grow to codify this counterintuitive approach, creating a systematic way for anyone to build their practice by generously giving.

Module 1: The Mindset Shift from Doing to Winning

The first major hurdle for any expert is a psychological one. You must move from a world of certainty to a world of possibility. This involves a radical change in how you think about your role and your value.

The world of Doing the Work is comfortable. You have a defined scope. You deliver on promises. Success is clear and measurable. But as you advance, you're asked to step into a new arena: Winning the Work. This is the world of business development. It’s about creating demand where none existed before. It feels ambiguous and intimidating. The key is to understand that "Doing the Work" and "Winning the Work" operate on opposite principles. In Doing, you manage scope to protect profitability. In Winning, you are generous to build relationships. In Doing, you provide perfect answers. In Winning, you ask insightful questions. Confusing these two mindsets is a primary reason why brilliant professionals fail to grow their business.

This transition often surfaces deep-seated fears. Bunnell calls these "The Lies," self-limiting beliefs that paralyze us. The most common is the feeling of "I Can't Do That." We tell ourselves we aren't natural salespeople or that we're not good at talking to the C-suite. The author introduces a simple but powerful technique from researcher Carol Dweck to combat this. When you catch yourself thinking "I can't," you must immediately add the word "yet." This tiny addition reframes the statement from a fixed limitation to a temporary state. It shifts you from a fixed mindset, where abilities are static, to a growth mindset, where skills can be developed. "I'm not good at bringing in bigger deals" becomes "I'm not good at bringing in bigger deals... yet." This opens the door to learning.

So how do you learn? Through deliberate practice. Bunnell dismantles the myth of the 10,000-hour rule. It’s about the quality of that time. Elite performers are made through intentional, focused practice. This involves three steps. First, be intentional. Identify the one specific sub-skill you want to improve. Second, stretch yourself. Practice just outside your comfort zone. Finally, get fast feedback. Have a coach, mentor, or trusted colleague observe you and provide immediate input. For example, a senior consultant who felt his networking was just "random acts of lunch" worked with a coach to build a structured system for lead generation. He didn't magically become an extrovert. He learned a repeatable process.

And here's the thing. You don't have to do it alone. A mentor is a powerful catalyst for growth. Bunnell's own mentor gave him daily goals with a nightly check-in. This "accountability hook" forced him to take action, especially when he was paralyzed by fear. The lesson is clear. The barriers to winning work are primarily internal. But with the right mindset, a commitment to practice, and a system of support, they are entirely surmountable.