Give to Grow

At a bustling farmer's market, two vendors stand behind identical stacks of heirloom tomatoes. The first vendor, efficient and direct, has a sign listing prices by the pound. He weighs, bags, and takes payment in a swift, impersonal rhythm. Customers get what they came for, nothing more, nothing less. His day is a predictable tally of transactions. A few stalls down, the second vendor has no price sign. Instead, she offers a cut slice to a curious passerby, asking, 'What are you cooking tonight?' She talks about which tomatoes hold up best in a sauce versus which are sweetest for a salad. She gives a child a small, sun-warmed cherry tomato to taste. Her line is longer, the conversations are lively, and people leave not just with tomatoes, but with a new recipe idea and a feeling of connection. While the first vendor sells produce, the second builds a community around her craft, one small, generous act at a time.

This simple difference between a transactional exchange and a relational one is the puzzle Mo Bunnell has spent his career solving. As a consultant and coach to some of the world's most successful service professionals, he noticed a frustrating pattern: brilliant people were often terrible at building the business relationships they needed to thrive. They were taught to sell, to pitch, to close—to act like the first vendor. Bunnell, however, saw that the most effective and fulfilled professionals acted like the second. They focused on giving value first, on helping others solve problems, and on building genuine trust. He wrote Give to Grow to codify this counterintuitive approach, creating a systematic way for anyone to build their practice by generously giving.

Module 1: The Mindset Shift from Doing to Winning

The first major hurdle for any expert is a psychological one. You must move from a world of certainty to a world of possibility. This involves a radical change in how you think about your role and your value.

The world of Doing the Work is comfortable. You have a defined scope. You deliver on promises. Success is clear and measurable. But as you advance, you're asked to step into a new arena: Winning the Work. This is the world of business development. It’s about creating demand where none existed before. It feels ambiguous and intimidating. The key is to understand that "Doing the Work" and "Winning the Work" operate on opposite principles. In Doing, you manage scope to protect profitability. In Winning, you are generous to build relationships. In Doing, you provide perfect answers. In Winning, you ask insightful questions. Confusing these two mindsets is a primary reason why brilliant professionals fail to grow their business.

This transition often surfaces deep-seated fears. Bunnell calls these "The Lies," self-limiting beliefs that paralyze us. The most common is the feeling of "I Can't Do That." We tell ourselves we aren't natural salespeople or that we're not good at talking to the C-suite. The author introduces a simple but powerful technique from researcher Carol Dweck to combat this. When you catch yourself thinking "I can't," you must immediately add the word "yet." This tiny addition reframes the statement from a fixed limitation to a temporary state. It shifts you from a fixed mindset, where abilities are static, to a growth mindset, where skills can be developed. "I'm not good at bringing in bigger deals" becomes "I'm not good at bringing in bigger deals... yet." This opens the door to learning.

So how do you learn? Through deliberate practice. Bunnell dismantles the myth of the 10,000-hour rule. It’s about the quality of that time. Elite performers are made through intentional, focused practice. This involves three steps. First, be intentional. Identify the one specific sub-skill you want to improve. Second, stretch yourself. Practice just outside your comfort zone. Finally, get fast feedback. Have a coach, mentor, or trusted colleague observe you and provide immediate input. For example, a senior consultant who felt his networking was just "random acts of lunch" worked with a coach to build a structured system for lead generation. He didn't magically become an extrovert. He learned a repeatable process.

And here's the thing. You don't have to do it alone. A mentor is a powerful catalyst for growth. Bunnell's own mentor gave him daily goals with a nightly check-in. This "accountability hook" forced him to take action, especially when he was paralyzed by fear. The lesson is clear. The barriers to winning work are primarily internal. But with the right mindset, a commitment to practice, and a system of support, they are entirely surmountable.

Module 2: The Four Gifts of Client Engagement

Once you’ve adopted the right mindset, the next step is to master the moves. Bunnell organizes the art of client engagement around four "Gifts." These are client-centric actions that build trust and create opportunities. They shift the focus from what you want to what the client needs, turning a sales pitch into a valuable consultation.

The first gift is The Gift of Attention, which you give by focusing on engagement. Think about your last great conversation with a friend. It was a two-way dialogue, not a monologue. Yet in business meetings, we often prepare to filibuster, cramming 60 slides into a 60-minute slot. This is a mistake. Your primary goal is to make the client the focus. For instance, when meeting an architect about a home renovation, the author was struck that the architect, Andrew Cogar, didn't start with his firm's awards. He started by asking about the author's family and their dreams for the house. This simple act gave the Gift of Attention and immediately built trust. One powerful tactic is to set a clear meeting frame. Instead of a vague intro, say something like: "Let's spend the first twenty minutes learning your priorities. Then we can use the last ten to brainstorm an investment we can make in your success." This frames the meeting around their needs.

This brings us to the second principle. To truly connect, you must give The Gift of Understanding by falling in love with the client's problem. Many professionals fall into the ego trap. They can't wait to show off their expertise, their impressive client list, or their new service offering. Bunnell shares a painful story of doing just this. He spent an entire meeting with a key prospect's new boss talking about his company, only to realize he'd taken zero notes on the client's actual needs. He never got another meeting. The solution is to design questions that invite the client to share their personal perspective. Research shows that sharing our unique viewpoint activates the brain's pleasure centers. So, instead of asking a generic question, try: "Katrina, you have a unique perspective as CFO here. What's your take on where the economy is headed?" Then, use the three magic words: "Tell me more."

Next, you deliver The Gift of Wisdom by letting the client experience what it's like to work with you. Talk is cheap. A demonstration is powerful. Bunnell calls this a "Give to Get." It's a discrete, no-charge offer of help designed to showcase your expertise. This involves your active participation. For example, instead of just sending a newly promoted client a book, you meet with them for an hour to discuss its key ideas in the context of their new role. The client doesn't just hear about your expertise; they experience it. The author learned this when his company struggled to sell its training programs. Prospects were interested but hesitant. The breakthrough came when he offered a free public version of the training. Once people experienced it, sales took off.

Finally, at the end of every interaction, you must give The Gift of Clarity and Progress by always making a recommendation. The old advice to "always ask for the business" can feel pushy and damage the relationship. A recommendation, however, positions you as a helpful guide. It should be simple, valuable, and easy for the client to say yes to. For example: "Based on our conversation, I'd recommend we schedule a two-hour workshop with your team to co-create a pilot project." This is a clear next step. To get an honest answer and avoid a "Slow No"—that polite agreement that goes nowhere—you can add a simple phrase at the end: "...does that sound good to you, or not?" That "or not" gives them permission to disagree, ensuring you get the truth.