Option B

A professional glassblower stands before a furnace, her workshop filled with the ghosts of past failures—shards of vibrant color swept into a corner. Each day, she gathers molten glass on the end of her blowpipe, a glowing orange sphere of pure potential. She knows that at any moment, a sudden temperature change, a moment of lapsed concentration, or an unseen flaw in the material can cause the delicate form to crack or shatter. But she also knows something deeper: creating a world where glass never breaks is impossible. The real artistry lies in what happens after the crack appears. Does she discard the piece, or does she find a way to incorporate the fracture, to mend it, to make it part of a new, perhaps more interesting, a story?

This is a question for anyone who has ever had their world shatter. It’s the question Sheryl Sandberg, the chief operating officer of Facebook, faced with brutal finality when her husband, Dave Goldberg, died suddenly while they were on vacation. The life she knew, her Option A, was gone forever. Lost in a fog of grief, she felt certain she and her children would never feel pure joy again. It was in this state that she turned to her friend Adam Grant, a psychologist at Wharton, who told her that there are concrete steps people can take to recover and rebound from life-shattering experiences. Their conversations, and the research he shared, became a lifeline. “Option B” is the result of that collaboration—a deeply personal yet universally applicable exploration of building resilience and rediscovering joy in the face of adversity.

Module 1: The Three Traps of Adversity

When crisis hits, our minds can become our own worst enemies. Psychologist Martin Seligman identified three cognitive traps that prevent recovery. They are personalization, pervasiveness, and permanence. These are the three P’s. Understanding them is the first step toward building resilience.

The first trap is Personalization, the belief that we are at fault. After her husband’s death, Sheryl was consumed by self-blame. She replayed the event, wondering if she could have saved him. This is a common reaction. A young woman who was raped by a coworker blamed herself for offering him a ride. But resilience begins when you recognize that not everything that happens to you is because of you. Medical evidence later showed Sheryl that her husband’s death was caused by an arrhythmia that was impossible to survive. It wasn't her fault. This realization was a critical turning point.

Next, we fall into the trap of Pervasiveness, the belief that an event will affect all areas of our life. Grief can feel like a tidal wave. It can make everything seem awful. Sheryl felt her loss colored every interaction, every moment. But this is a distortion. To counter it, she began a simple practice. Every night, she wrote down three things she did well that day. Some days, it was as simple as "Made tea." This tiny act forced her to see that not everything was terrible. She could still function. She could still make contributions at work. This helps compartmentalize the pain.

The final trap is Permanence, the belief that the pain will last forever. In the depths of grief, it’s hard to imagine ever feeling happy again. Sheryl believed she and her children would never experience pure joy. This is where Adam Grant introduced a powerful reframing technique. He advised her to replace absolute words like "never" and "always" with "sometimes" and "lately." Instead of "I will always feel this awful," she learned to think, "I will sometimes feel this awful." This small linguistic shift helps restore a sense of control. It acknowledges the pain without letting it define the future indefinitely. Avoiding these three P’s is about facing pain with clarity and preventing it from hijacking your entire reality.